New Member Bio’s

We’ve updated our member’s page to include the new members so head on over and take a gander at what those crazy kids are into. Who knows, you might even land yourself a date off it! (Pro Tip: Joe likes Carlos Danger)

Arch Show Tonight!

Come see DUI’s newest members: Joe Timko, Savanna Hershman, and Susan Lang in their very first DUI show! Tonight (thursday) in the Blackwell arch at 8:30pm.

Big Show 16 Videos

Did you miss one of the videos from Big Show 16? Maybe all 13?

Never fear! They’re all on our YouTube channel

STD – Site Temporarily Defective

Welcome back to the website! For those of you who tried this site anytime over the last year, you may have noticed that it wasn’t really working. For all of those who got viruses, we’re very sorry and would like to remind you that no form of protection is 100% effective.
Stay posted as we update the content for the new year. See y’all at a show soon!

Auditions!

Auditions are now open for the 2012-2013 year. They will be held in East Duke 209 (the building next to White Lecture Hall) from 1-7pm on Sunday and 5-11pm Monday (September 2nd & 3rd). Sign up online here.

See you there!

Big Show 15 Videos

Check out all 11 of the brand new videos that premiered at Big Show 15!

All are up on our YouTube channel.

 

New news!

Welcome back! DUI hopes you had a great holiday. If the rush of back to school activity has you lusting for a laugh, DUI has got you covered this week.

Shows

DUI and the Pitchforks
Thursday, Feb 9th
8 pm
Reynolds Theater
The Pitchforks join DUI for a night of improv comedy and a capella singing in our second annual collaborative show. It’s just a couple of days before Valentine’s Day, and we promise to have enough clowning and crooning to satisfy you and your date. Tickets are being sold on the plaza and at the box office for $5 (FLEX or cash).

DUI hosts Froshlife
Sunday, Feb 12th
8 pm
White Lecture Hall
DUI will be emceeing Duke’s most beloved freshman film competition, Froshlife. The movies are always entertaining and DUI freshmen have gone home with big prizes in years past; so come out to hear our color commentary and see which dorm best depicted the freshman experience!

Ongoing Offers

T-Shirts
A big seller at our Parents’ Weekend show, and now for the first time on American Apparel T’s! We have both Navy and White, each just $10. If you would like a shirt, email us at dui@duke.edu.
Workshops

As well as performing improv comedy shows, DUI also runs workshops that teach improv concepts and skills. These interactive, entertaining workshops are great for team building, improving communication and interview skills. Workshops last around an hour, and we offer discount rates for student groups. Email us at dui@duke.edu if you would like to discuss what we can do for you.

News Jokes

Governor Mitt Romney won the Florida primary in a landslide victory over Newt Gingrich. Gingrich said he would not abandon his campaign because it€™s not on its deathbed. And it€™s not his wife.

In response to the SOPA bill, the Stop Online Piracy Act, Wikipedia decided to go black for a day, leaving college students across the country worried: If Wikipedia went black, would it ever go back?

NBC is gearing up for season two of The Voice, the singing competition show where judges refrain from watching auditioners so they can concentrate on their voices. Similarly, American viewers refrain from watching The Voice so they can concentrate on Gossip Girl.

A foot-long crustacean similar to a shrimp has been found off the coast of New Zealand. Researchers described the find as “unprecedented,” “of remarkable scientific significance,” and “great with Thai noodles.”

A Swedish rabbit has gained youtube fame in the past week for its uncanny sheep-herding abilities. Just a little more practice and it will be ready to become head basketball coach at UNC.

Last week scientists at the Alzheimer’s Association reported that contagious proteins may cause Alzheimer€™s disease. But these findings have been heavily criticized, as none of the scientists can remember where they put their data.

News Again!

It’s the home stretch, folks. Only a couple of weeks until finals are over, chestnuts are roasting, and little siblings are distraught with realizations about fictional characters. Check out what goodness DUI has on offer to help get you through the end-of-semester slog.

Upcoming Shows

DUI’s Little Big Show: Sponsored by Chipotle
Thursday December 1st
8:30pm
Sheafer Theater, Bryan Center
What’s littler than Big Show but bigger than a little show? DUI’s Little Big Show, of course! For the first time ever, DUI is joining forces with Chipotle to bring FREE BURRITOS to the first 60 audience members! Buy your tickets for just $3 at the box office, on the plaza, at the marketplace, or online here.
DUI in Giles
Thursday December 8th
8:00pm
Giles Dormitory, East Campus
Your last chance to catch DUI this semester, hosted by Giles House Council.

Want DUI to come perform in your dorm? Tell your RA or House Council email us at dui@duke.edu to book your show now!
The proceeds from our shows enable DUI to donate $10,000 every year to the Scott Carter Foundation for Pediatric Cancer Research, so please help us to help this worthy cause.

Ongoing things that aren’t shows
T-Shirts
A big seller at our Parents’ Weekend show, and now for the first time on American Apparel T’s! We have both Navy and White, each just $10. If you would like a shirt, please email us at dui@duke.edu.
Workshops
As well as performing improv comedy shows, DUI also runs workshops that teach improv concepts and skills. These interactive, entertaining workshops are great for team building, improving communication and interview skills. Workshops last around an hour, and we offer discount rates for student groups. Email us at dui@duke.edu if you would like to discuss what we can do for you.
News Jokes

Ohio authorities are investigating a Craigslist ad that may have been related to a recent triple homicide. They have made their own post on the site, and hope to have some success in the “cops seeking murderers” section.NBA commissioner David Stern says a “tentative understanding” has been reached to end the five month lockout, adding that he is confident that the season will start December 25th. He clarified: “I wrote a letter to Santa asking for NBA on Christmas and so it’s out of my hands at this point.”

New google searches enable worried parents to check potential baby names against accepted stripper aliases. Thousands of users named Candy, Cherry, and Fabio are outraged to have their names forever blacklisted, but hope that the added exposure will help business.

Candidate Rick Perry (R) has won an endorsement from tough anti-immigration Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio, known for bragging about how he humiliates his male prisoners by forcing them to wear pink underwear. Perry promises he will stop at nothing to deter crime and has not ruled out the use of high heels but will draw the line at mini-skirts.

Rumors have been circling that President Obama will ditch Joe Biden for Hillary Clinton as his vice-presidential running mate. When asked why he thought he would be potentially ditched for Clinton, Biden simply responded: “Sex appeal.”

 

On Saturday NASA launched a rocket carrying “Curiosity”, the latest and most advanced rover on a mission to Mars. NASA officials assured concerned citizens that no cats were harmed in the mission’s development.

Congress voted last week to officially designate the tomato paste in pizza a vegetable. This makes sense. See, tomatoes are fruit. And paste is€¦paste. So that€™s, like, a vegetable.

Music star Adele is being sued by her ex-boyfriend who wants a portion of her profits for being the inspiration for her new album. Depending on how this settles out, there may or may not be 300 guys getting ready to sue Taylor Swift.

UNC€™s loss to UNLV in last week€™s basketball game was a huge upset for the traditionally strong team. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas€¦ and in the DUI newsletter. And on the NCAA official rankings.

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Make DUI your homepage (you’d probably be the first!):
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www.dukeuniversityimprov.com

News! – Pilgrim Day Edition!

It’s almost that time of year. Time to be thankful that someone else is doing your laundry and that you’re not eating on campus again. Before you head home for the break (or, like a couple of us, stay at Duke – come find us!!) be sure to check out what goodies DUI has on offer this week.

Upcoming Shows

DUI in the Coffeehouse

Thursday November 17th
8:30pm
Duke Coffeehouse

Check out this rare opportunity to see DUI mix it up, innovate, and… well… improvise some more experimental comedy. We’ll be blending stand up and long-form improv into our classic recipe. What better place to have a slightly alternative show than in the slightly alternative Coffeehouse on East?

DUI and Pumpkin Pie

Saturday November 19th
8:30pm
Crowell G Commons

Weekends at Crowell is hosting DUI for a holiday-themed night of laughs and face-stuffing (hopefully not simultaneously). We’ll be performing and there will be free ice cream and pie. It’s our first West Campus dorm show of the semester, so make the most of this great opportunity!

DUI’s Little Big Show

Thursday December 1st
8:30pm
Sheafer Theater, Bryan Center

What’s littler than Big Show but bigger than a little show? DUI’s Little Big Show, of course! We pull out all the stops for this one, including wearing button-downs. More than your average DUI show, Little Big Show promises a new and exciting format along with the games you know and love. It’s not too early to buy your tickets for just $3 online; just search “DUI” at tickets.duke.edu.

Booking DUI

Want DUI to come perform in your dorm? Tell your RA or House Council email us at dui@duke.edu to book your show now! The proceeds from our shows enable DUI to donate $10,000 every year to the Scott Carter Foundation for Pediatric Cancer Research, so please help us to help this worthy cause.

More Goodness

Show Us How You 903

DUI continues its partnership with the Duke Men’s Basketball team, this time getting behind Coach K’s unprecedented milestone. We want you to join us in showing Coach K just how Crazie you are. Check out our video, starring Andre Dawkins and Ryan Kelly, at 903andcounting.com.

T-Shirts

A big seller at our Parents’ Weekend show, and now for the first time on American Apparel T’s! We have both Navy and White, each just $10. If you would like a shirt, please email us at dui@duke.edu.

Workshops

As well as performing improv comedy shows, DUI also runs workshops that teach improv concepts and skills. These interactive, entertaining workshops are great for team building and improving communication and interview skills. Workshops last around an hour, and we offer discount rates for student groups. Email us at dui@duke.edu if you would like to discuss what we can do for you.

News Jokes

Most of the Republican Presidential candidates.

Two new hybrid-electric accordion buses were added to the Duke bus fleet this week. When asked to comment about the new buses, one driver responded, “I love the extra room in the back, but the polka sound really grates me.”

On Tuesday Texas Governor Rick Perry suggested making Congress operate part time. Many opponents to this plan have come forward, most notably C-SPAN which will now have to fill its programming schedule with reruns of Gilligan’s Island.

After Rick Perry€™s embarrassing performance in last week€™s debate, the governor returned home to his loving family and tucked his kids into bed: John, Sally and€¦um€¦uh…shoot€¦well it was John, Sally and€¦who was the third one? The EPA. He kissed the EPA good night.

Penn State football€™s defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky was arrested for sexually abusing boys through his children€™s foundation, €œSecond Mile.€ This explains why Eminem is so screwed up; he was so far beyond this foundation growing up on €œ8 Mile.€

Herman Cain made a sexist comment in last week€™s GOP debate, referring to Congresswoman Pelosi as €œPrincess Pelosi.€ He has apologized publicly to his colleagues, his constituents and his own wife: Queen Cain.

Vehemently criticizing the proposed $450 billion in defense budget cuts, McCain argued that America would cease to be the global military superpower. Gérard Longuet, the French Minister of Defense, responded to McCain’s complaint: “Suck it up, John. We do just fine with our 17th century musketeer division.”

President Obama recently shoulder-tapped Duke Law professor Scott Silliman to fill an appellate judge position on the United States Court of Military Commission Review. Silliman is noted for being one of the nation’s foremost national security scholars and for having received a chili pepper on Rate My Professor.

British Officials reported this week that they will employ surface to air missiles to help keep the 2012 olympics safe. They also plan to unveil their most top secret weapon next week, a vivacious, veracious villain-fighting man with a mask and a cape.

Warren Buffett recently shed his tech aversion by buying nearly 11 billion dollars worth of IBM stock, making him the largest shareholder in the company. Buffett remarked: “After finally getting around to seeing Tron: Legacy, I’ve finally realized that technology is worth investing in. Wow, what a movie. Those lightcycles, words can’t even…”

Sasha Grey recently read to elementary school students in California, causing many parents to express outrage. Kirk Scott, parent of a 3rd grader that was read to, told the press: “Why weren’t we told that she was coming? I would have loved to come.”

President Obama heads to Australia this week. He claims he is going to check out the U.S. military base in Darwin, but we all know he’s only going to knock out a few easy engineering credits and drink on the beach. Don’t worry, he’ll be back before Thanksgiving break!


Make DUI your homepage (you’d probably be the first!):
Twitter Facebook YouTube
www.dukeuniversityimprov.com

News!

Midterms getting you down? Get back up with another dose of DUI News! Then get back down after you’ve read it because you should probably be studying.

Upcoming Shows

DUI in Randolph
Thursday, November 10th
8:30pm
Randolph Dormitory

Join us tomorrow as we take on the back yard for another action-packed dorm show! Kindly hosted by Randolph House Council.

aKDPhi Comedy Night
Friday, November 11th
7:00pm
White Lecture Hall
As part of Duke’s chapter of alpha Kappa Delta Phi Sorority’s annual breast cancer awareness week, we will be opening the stage for Comedy Central’s Eliot Chang. Don’t miss this chance to see some world-class comedy and support a great cause.

DUI in the Coffeehouse
Thursday November 17th
8:30pm
Duke Coffeehouse
Check out this rare opportunity to see DUI mix it up, innovate, and… well… improvise some more experimental comedy. We’ll be blending stand up and long-form improv into our classic recipe. What better place to have a slightly alternative show than in the slightly alternative Coffeehouse on East?

Want DUI to come perform in your dorm? Tell your RA or House Council email us at dui@duke.edu to book your show now!
The proceeds from our shows enable DUI to donate $10,000 every year to the Scott Carter Foundation for Pediatric Cancer Research, so please help us to help this worthy cause.


Bonus Fun
Show Us How You 903
DUI continues its partnership with the Duke Men’s Basketball team, this time getting behind Coach K’s unprecedented upcoming milestone. We want you to join us in showing Coach K just how Crazie you are. Check out our video, starring Andre Dawkins and Ryan Kelly, at 903andcounting.com.

T-Shirts
A big seller at our Parents’ Weekend show, and now for the first time on American Apparel T’s! We have both Navy and White, each just $10. If you would like a shirt, please email us at dui@duke.edu.
Workshops
As well as performing improv comedy shows, DUI also runs workshops that teach improv concepts and skills. These interactive, entertaining workshops are great for team building and improving communication and interview skills. Workshops last around an hour, and we offer discount rates for student groups. Email us at dui@duke.edu if you would like to discuss what we can do for you.

News Jokes

Herman Cain€™s gaffe that China was €œtrying to develop nuclear capability€ has been met with much scrutiny as China has had this capability since 1964. Cain’s advisers are removing all references to China from his upcoming speech, €œ2012: Is America is Ready for its First Black President?€

Thermal images taken of “Occupy” protests around the world have shown many of the tents to be devoid of warm bodies at night. These findings indicate that the protestors are either absent or reptiles.Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou agreed to step down for a new Prime Minister to take his place under the new unity government. The former Prime Minister was happy to leave the job to someone more qualified: “My name has only ever had 3 syllables, I had no chance against the Androutsopoulas’s & Athanasiadis-Novas’s of this world”

 

Six men who lived in cramped, windowless compartments for more than 17 months to simulate a mission to Mars emerged from their Russian-based capsule on Friday. The originally 12 month assignment had to be extended because HAL wouldn’t open the pod bay doors.

The New York Times recently reported that the fervor around Tim Tebow€™s beliefs and his struggles for the Denver Broncos has escalated into a filler story for slow news days.

Kim Kardashian gained over $17 million from her 72-day marriage. The recent divorce leaves people wondering: did she use marriage for money? In other news, homosexuals continue their ruthless rampage against the sanctity of marriage.

 

In pop cultural news, Justin Bieber agreed to take a DNA paternity test in light of recent allegations that he fathered a child. Bieber was reputedly excited for the test €“ he just learned about DNA in his 7th grade bio class and found the process super fun.

 

Meg Urry, chairwoman of the Department of Physics at Yale University, stated this week that an asteroid collision with earth is “very possible.” She is currently in the process of recruiting wizards to repel any such asteroids.

DreamWorks’ film Puss in Boots 3D grossed $34 million on its opening weekend, dominating box offices worldwide. However, American audiences were disappointed, wishing DreamWorks had released Shrek 5 instead.

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) said that she would add former presidents Ronald Reagan, James Garfield and Calvin Coolidge to Mount Rushmore Tuesday in an ABC News interview. That’s all. There is no joke.